Biblical Lessons on Discord

All the Things I Do That I Didn't Know Were Biblical

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.  Romans 14:19

Yesterday morning, I had to deliver what I knew was going to be an unpopular message.  It was not something I prayed about, it was something I do often in my professional capacity, so the conversation (while in my volunteer capacity) felt routine.  An opportunity fell through, and this person was upset because the reasoning provided was disingenuous, unfair and based on erroneous facts. 

For a variety of reasons, while I understood the righteous anger, the appropriate counsel was to play the long game of winning “hearts and minds” (to borrow the phrase of a good friend in this battle), and I believed it best to be gracious in this rejection in order to avoid making enemies.

Lo and behold, yesterday’s devotion led to a verse which I shared in the conversation (I knew from other interactions that this person was a believer). 

Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance.  Proverbs 18:20

That got me thinking, what else does the Bible say about discord:

“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”  Matthew 18:15-17

Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers. Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness. And their message will spread like cancer.  2 Timothy 2:14-17a

 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:2-3

Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.  2 Timothy 2:23-26

While I am finding these verses now, I did not realize so many of my “tricks” of winning hearts and minds came straight from the Bible.  For example, Matthew 18:15 –  have a quiet and private conversation when something could be improved or handled differently, rather than calling anyone out in public.  2 Timothy - Choose your words wisely.  Consider whether you will get something of value out of the conversation, or whether you will make an enemy.  Ephesians 4 – Be patient in resolving this.  If you wait, there may be a more opportune time where your message may be more likely to be heard.

So, for all of us, as we navigate the world, big disputes and small, in our marriages, in our families,[1] with our colleagues and friends, many (all) the words of wisdom we share and/or apply to positive resolution of disputes came from the Bible, whether we know it or not, whether we see it routinely applied in the modern church or not.  It all goes back to the lessons of our youth[2] and eventually learning to apply them.  We have all had much heartbreak over the past years, much disappointment, and we all have continued healing.  The solution to much of that healing may be found in that book written thousands of years ago that so many in our culture consider obsolete. 

I was reminded by “I Can’t Imagine’s” latest post that there are pockets where the community we envision when reading the Bible does exist, where people help others, where they are welcoming, where they let the little things go, where Jesus congregates with the lepers.  Despite the individual challenges we each face, we can be that community for others. Blessings to all of you.  God’s will be done.

 I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people. Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I rejoice because of you; but I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil.  Romans 16:17-19

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[1] For lack of wood, the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.   Proverbs 26:20

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. Proverbs 31:26

These two verses are on my log, not because of the insanity of the world but rather specifically for my children.  All the time, I tell them, stop this silly quarrel.  If one of you stops, this fight will stop, but as long as one of you continues, the fight goes on.  These two verses came in email devotions back-to-back, the first devotion which I read regularly (First15) and the second only occasionally, but it also fit what I try to teach them – if it doesn’t add positively to the conversation, don’t say it.  That they came back-to-back on a day when I was frustrated by their normal teen quarrels….just some more of the Scripture He has sent my way.

[2] This idea keeps coming to me, originally unrelated to anything Biblical, about the “Forgotten Lessons of Our History” that could have kept us out of so much of the mess these past years.  Now the original idea is very much combining into a bigger idea that has Biblical inspiration.  I shouldn’t put this in writing, because really only a tiny seed of an idea now.